The Beginning

I'm done hiding from cameras.  I'm done hiding my eating habits.  I'm done avoiding people & places I'm afraid I won't fit, like the gym, the pool, the seats at my kids school functions.  I'm done with Weight Watchers, or any other "diet". I've gone that route and lost a significant amount of weight.  It always comes back. I know how to eat healthy.  That's never been the issue.  I'm great at watching my weight....climb.  What I want is to BE PRESENT in my LIFE.  While I'm busy fixating on my next pint of ice cream or my next weight loss attempt I am not being present.  I am not in family photos, and I avoid celebrations.  When my kids look back at their childhood they will have only a handful of pictures to prove I was ever there, because I was either hiding or those photos conveniently went missing.  I have tried to find support for food addiction.  What I found was that I can't afford the therapists and my insurance doesn't cover them, or there is the Bariatric surgery option.  I know surgery is right for some people.  I don't think I am one of them.  I want to get out from under this addiction for the same reasons an alcoholic does.  It takes away from my relationships.  I'm here, but I'm not here.  Slowly, but surely it is killing me.  Being big isn't a picnic, but even if I was at my ideal weight I would still need to deal with my issues with food.  So I'm going to take it one day at a time.  I choose me.  I choose to BE PRESENT.  I will probably have to choose it over and over.  That's life.  I hope that I connect with other people on my way that share the same goals.  I know that I am not alone.